Navigating Relationships Today: Through Music

I’m always using music as my solace through these weird twenty-somethings. Somehow it helps me to navigate through these growing pains of being a young woman trying to find my footing in this thing called life.

How do we define love? How can you tell someone what feels like to be in love? It’s just a feeling. You can’t always put it into words, but you know it, when it happens.

above you will find a short clip about The Motion Series created by my dear friend, Kyle Mackey.

I’ve always envisioned my ideal relationship as something similar to Brown Sugar, but I guess it’s just wishful thinking. We talk a lot about the five love languages and how each of them works, but I think that there are a few more, that help us to genuinely express who we are as people- music being mine. Music is capable of evoking so many different emotions in your mind & soul, I could only hope to find someone who can appreciate it just as much as I do.

Having to face the need of crushing my Brown Sugar fantasy and facing reality, of the “dating to marry shit show” and the consistent bird behavior on social media, you can feel a bit hopeless.

For me, there’s something in this life that I need, but can’t really describe. Outside of the average or typical needs of someone in a relationship, I think I’m personally always seeking a deeper meaning in life, and whatever I’m searching for I have yet to find.

Hip-hop gets a bad rap for perpetuating the negatives- violence, objectifying women and glorifying money. As a true fan of hip-hop, it would be poor of me to not be critical of the culture and the genre itself. Today’s music has taken a toll on today’s relationships. We went from that crying in the rain type of music, to making the transition of promoting toxicity and unhealthy relationships. Where do the hopeless romantics go amidst all the bullshit?

The new R&B era has slowly developed into its own lane, and it has shed light onto what relationships are like these days as well. Artists like H.E.R., Jhene Aiko, BJ The Chicago Kid, Bryson Tiller, Ari Lennox and Summer Walker are able to place into song, some of the things that we feel on a daily with our relationships, partners, and some of those ‘complicated’ situations.

Take an artist like Wale, for instance. His mixtape More About Nothing goes into detail of some of the ups and downs that we face in relationships. As wordy as Wale can be, I’m able to understand and relate to his perspectives.

Wale, The Manipulation Part 2

I’m inside my head more often that I would like to actually admit. I enjoy my solitude, my peace and quiet, but being able to find someone who enjoys it with me is such a crucial part of me as well. I go through weird phases where I despise talking, but I’m weirdly one of the most social people that you’ll meet. And not your regular-degular introvert/extrovert persona that gets discussed on social media. I literally will dip off for weeks without saying anything to anyone. But somehow in that same breath, I can be luxurious, extravagant and social. Somehow in my mind it’s balance, but to others, Ive become a woman that’s very very hard to read.

Another one of my famous Virgo counterparts, Joe Budden has expressed his hardships in relationships on projects like Mood Musik, and Want You Back.

Joe Budden, All of Me

I’m always curious when I see people act solely off of emotion versus logic. I’d like to think that I’ve become a woman who is in full control of her emotions, but what I think is control, can be disguised as suppression. Often times people look for me to display certain emotions, but because of past hurt, I’ve managed to become this vert strategic and calculated thinker. I’m thinking on how I should react versus actually reacting.

Navigating today’s relationships feels a lot like playing a game that you just can’t seem to win. As a Virgo, I’m probably just hopeless in general. But again, music is helping me by providing the soundtrack to this rollercoaster ride of a journey. Because if we had it all figured out right now, would we truly work hard for it?

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